To screw it up
by butterfly1919
Summary: First kisses are perfect! Or are they? Sometimes you just have to hope the second kiss will be better...


**I'm back with a short little something I had on my mind for a while. Hope you like it :)**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

Okay.

It's settled.

She is killing him.

On purpose!

James Potter screws up his' eyes to examine his woman of interest more closely. She's wearing her hair down, as he prefers it and her hand massages her neck in that alluring way that drives him crazy. Yep, she's definitely out to ace him.

Or… is she?

Maybe she just doesn't know she is killing him. Maybe she isn't aware of how she is affecting him. Lily isn't the type of girl who wants to harm besotted boys. And James Potter _is_ besotted. He is one-hundred percent sure he is. If he weren't he wouldn't use the word _besotted_ after all. This would mean Lily Evans isn't killing him on purpose, she isn't-

Oh she is SO doing this on purpose… blowing her nose like this. So _sexy_. It's settled again. She's found guilty. For trying to kill a besotted boy, that is.

With a decided nod he tries to concentrate on the task at hand. Which is, he remembers at the same, horrific moment, History of Magic. Thereafter, concentration is out of the question as Professor Binns' monotone voice drones on and on about some troll riot in the late 20s.

James' eyes travel back to the redhead two rows in front of him. Her hand flies across the parchment, taking notes. _Taking notes!_ Taking notes and not looking at him. She hasn't looked at him once today. And it's already the first lesson. How can she NOT look at him? After everything that has happened. After yesterday.

And she'd have had many opportunities to look. He had been hanging around the common room the whole morning, and he had been well worth seeing, thank you very much. When he had finally realised she wouldn't come down he went for a late, hurried breakfast. Turned out she had been down at the Great Hall the whole time. Bullocks. And now they've already been 20 minutes into History and she's still ignoring him notably.

He wants to sigh out of frustration but he can't because Sirius has already caught him sighing twice this morning and has started calling him a shabby old lady.

He had thought yesterday had been wonderful and a huge step forward, but now he isn't so sure anymore. Maybe she's changed her mind? Or she hasn't liked it… and then he sighs loudly.

* * *

Okay.

It's settled.

Boys are stupid. Stupid and useless. Stupid and useless and not exactly talkative, it seems.

This whole day is more than frustrating, she thinks, as she heads for lunch. She wants to talk to James, badly, but it seems life or people or lessons keep getting in the way. And to be honest: _she_ doesn't want to talk to him, she wants _him_ to come talk to her. Normally she's confident and brave, but today she's just not herself. It really doesn't help that she turns an ugly shade of red whenever he glances her way. Or that she craned her neck embarrassingly fast to see him at breakfast, when Alice had informed her of James' arrival at the Great Hall. Her neck has hurt through all the first period.

Therefore, she needs him to make the first move. She just has to sit this out. He'll talk to her eventually, won't he?

"Of course he will" Alice says to her patiently, for the fourth time, when she sits beside her at lunch. "This guy is hopelessly in love with you. He's just afraid you could have changed your mind." She helps herself to some potatoes. "Or that you didn't like the kiss", she ads as an afterthought.

Lily chokes on her pumpkin juice. "Do you think he didn't like it?" she croaks, desperately. Alice rolls her eyes at her, muttering something unintelligible under her breath.

To be fair, the kiss has not been perfect. But it still lingers. In her mind and on her lips. And that has to count for something, doesn't it?

She still can't quite grasp it, although it is certainly true: James Potter and Lily Evans shared a kiss last night. And she is glad they had. And it is about time, too. It was one of those things you anticipated for a long time, but when it happened you still were surprised. However, it was far from perfect. A bit messy, perhaps. And there was quite a bit saliva involved. Lily feels herself blushing just thinking about it. Awkward. That's the word you could describe the situation with. They said good night to each other and were off. Certainly it would be less awkward the next day?

Well, it is the next day. And it certainly isn't less awkward. But Lily can't be sure. They haven't even looked each other in the eye yet.

"Lily?" Alice interrupts her thoughts by poking her finger into Lily's side.

"Hm?"

"Don't worry yourself. He's going to come to you." Alice says, reading her mind as she always does.

Lily nods her head, unconvinced. She's told Alice about the kiss. But she hasn't gone into much detail.

"Alice", she starts, taking a deep breath, "this kiss… it wasn't… you know… good." She looks up to meet her best friends' eyes worriedly. "I was so nervous… I think I screwed up."

There's a pause and then Alice starts giggling. Lily looks at her, outraged. "It's not funny!"

"It's funny that you think a first kiss is supposed to be perfect. Of course you're nervous. It's _good_ to be nervous. It means you like him."

Lily slowly releases a breath. "You think so?"

"Absolutely. I myself think second kisses are the best." She nods her head as if to confirm her own sentence. "You got that first awkward kiss over and done with and you are ready for the good one." She smiles reassuringly at her and Lily feels herself relax.

"Thanks", she says with a small smile. Alice squeezes her arm gently and turns to her food.

Alice is right, Lily thinks gratefully. Maybe James is just as nervous and uncertain about this whole situation as she is. She starts eating finally, when Alice speaks up again.

"Why does Sirius keep calling James a shabby old lady?"

* * *

"I'll go talk to her."

Sirius looks up from the Marauders' Map, bored. "You keep telling yourself that. Go, then."

It is true. James has talked about going to Lily and talk to her about the kiss, his feelings, the weather, just _something_ the whole afternoon. However, he has not had the courage so far.

"She's on her way to the common room it seems." Peter informs him.

"You could head her off, you know, talk to her in private." Sirius ads helpfully, perking his eyebrows up suggestively. "Or drool all over her."

James coshes him playfully. "Why did I even tell you about that?"

"Beats me. You should have known better."

The three boys fall silent and watch Lily's dot on the map near the portrait, now joined by their friend Remus Lupin.

"Maybe I should just wait until everybody has gone sleeping and then we could talk as long as we want." James suggests, not really convinced himself.

"Given that she wants to talk to you at all."

"Or that she stays in the common room for so long."

"Or that she even comes into the common room." Remus ads, joining the conversation.

"Why wouldn't she come in?" James asks hurriedly.

"Lily and I just met Bertram Aubrey. He suggested her a trip down to the lake."

James mouth falls open. "He what?" However, one look at the map confirms Remus' assertion. Their dots are in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, not far enough apart for James liking.

"That guy doesn't seem to learn his lessons." Sirius observes. "And to think we received a double detention for that one…"

"Help me out here," Peter looks confused, "is he the one you stuck to Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom?"

"No, that was Micheal Welsh. We hexed Aubrey's head so that it matched his ego." Sirius clarifies. "He seemed to think he had chances with our dear Lily."

James still stares at the two dots, as if he were able to get them apart by mere power of thought. What is she doing? What should he do? They are not dating, so he has no sort of claim on her, but they have kissed. That should count for something. He knows he has screwed it up completely. He knows it has been embarrassing and awkward. Nevertheless, kissing Lily Evans has been the best thing that could have happened to him. And he wants to do that again. And again and again and again. However, now Aubrey is ruining his chances mercilessly.

"Prongs?" the tentative voice of Remus brings him back to reality and into action. He is on his feet and out of the common room before anyone can stop him.

* * *

Lily Evans feels trapped. How is she supposed to get out of this? It seems Bertram Aubrey has his eye on her but she is not interested in the least. How could she, when all she really wants is James? However, she never wants to hurt someone's feelings. Bertram has attempted to get a date in the past and she has always declined friendly, having a well-prepared excuse ready. Then he suddenly stopped, and she was glad about it. It is a surprise to her that he has resumed his persuasion.

"Come on Lily, I know you want to. What's hindering you?"

She has already come up with the typical things, homework, friends, et cetera. It hasn't worked so far.

"You know Bertram, it's just not-"

"You don't have a boyfriend, have you?" he asks, taking a step closer and attempting to take her hand. She snatches her hand out of his reach.

"I-"she starts, but is interrupted again. Not from Bertram, though.

"Lily, there you are."

She whips around to the source of the sound and her relieve at seeing James sprinting down the floor to her is palpable. He stops beside her, nearer than he normally would, kisses the side of her head and puts his arm around her shoulder. She tenses, surprised by his action but not by the butterflies, which erupt in her stomach every time when he touches her.

"Aubrey," he greets, his eyes narrowing to slits as he watches the boy in front of them.

"Potter," he greets back, his expression matching James' cold glare. "Lily and I were just about to go for a walk, before you so rudely interrupted."

James' hold on Lily intensifies slightly. "I'm not sure that will be possible."

"And what are you going to do against it? Enlarge my head again?"

Lily startles at his words and glances at James. He pretends not to notice her stare.

"Not that you'd need any help from me in that department." His demeanour is casual but there is a warning edge to his voice.

"Oh that's rich, coming from you." Aubrey scoffs.

"Okay, you can stop now." Lily has had enough. She does not want to be in the middle of their fight.

"James, it's not your decision what I do or do not." She looks at him sternly, but he avoids her eyes as he has done the whole day. She sighs heavily and turns to Aubrey. "Bertram, I never actually agreed to come with you. And I won't. I'm sorry."

Bertram looks as if he has been slapped but James can't quite hide a triumphant little grin.

"See you Aubrey." He says cheerfully as Bertram turns his back on them without another word.

However, as soon as Aubrey is gone, James loses his happy demeanour, sighs deeply, drops his arm from her shoulder and steps back from her.

"I'm sorry," his apology is immediate and sincere, but he is still avoiding her eyes and looking at his shoes instead. "I know it wasn't my place to intervene and I know you're angry now."

"James, I-"

"We only kissed once and we're not dating, so I know that you can do whatever you want with whomever you want…"

"That's not what-"

"But I just couldn't stand back and do nothing because Aubrey is just a really great dickhead and you had to know that."

"Would you just-"

"I know I probably ruined everything." His voice almost breaks at the last word and he runs his hand through his hair in frustration. "I'm really really sorry." And he is gone before Lily can say another word, before she can tell him that she's glad he intervened and before she can admit that she just wants him to kiss her again.

* * *

Wonderful.

Just absolutely, fucking wonderful.

It is so typical for him to ruin the best thing that has happened to him for at least the last three years in less than five minutes. His friends have tried to console and reassure him, but he cannot believe their words. It _is_ his fault and he _has_ destroyed his one big chance with Lily. _What is wrong with him?_ Why does he have to screw up everything?

He buries his face in his hands, feeling miserable and defeated. She now knows that he was the one who had caused Aubrey's head to grow twice its size. Probably she has wanted to go out with that idiot and wondered why he didn't ask her out anymore. Now she knows and she would never forgive James that one. In addition, he has stuck his nose into her affairs, acting like a jealous boyfriend, which he is not. Well, the jealous part he is. It is the boyfriend part, which he has screwed up royally.

There is a knock on the door of their dormitory. He has barricaded himself in his room since the disaster with Lily. He makes no move to open the door, so Remus gets off his bed where he has been reading, and opens it.

"Oh, hi Lily." He says, surprised and a little louder than necessary, so that James is able to hear him. The boy in question scrambles out from under his blankets hastily, tangles up in it and crashes to the floor in front of his bed. Bugger! Sirius snorts loudly. Praying to God, or Merlin or whichever supernatural power there might be, which could prevent Lily from seeing him in this situation, he opens his eyes. Lily stands at the door and seems to try desperately not to laugh.

He clears his throat loudly, gets to his feet and pretends that it hasn't happened. "Lily… hi." He says suavely. Or, he wanted it to sound that way. His voice seemed slightly hoarse.

"Hi James."

"You know, I could really use a midnight snack. What about you?" Remus asks loudly.

"Naah, I'm good." Sirius shrugs nonchalantly and continues watching the awkward situation unfolding in front of him.

"No you're not." Remus decides, dragging him from his bed to the door. "Peter!" he orders. Peter squeaks and follows them out, closing the door behind them.

"They're very inconspicuous, aren't they?" Lily observes dryly.

"Yeah… they are." James rubs his head awkwardly and they are quiet for a moment.

"So, it was you who enlarged Bertram's head. I've been wondering…" she says at last and James' shoulders drop.

"Listen Lily-"

"No, you listen James." She interrupts him and he falls silent, anxiously.

"I'm really disappointed."

"I know." He answers immediately. "Aubrey-"

"This has nothing to do with Aubrey. I've never wanted to go out with him anyway."

"You… haven't?"

"No, I'm disappointed because all I've wanted this whole day was for you to come to me, talk to me or…" she stops herself and looks down.

"Lily I…" he begins, but he doesn't know what to say.

"You didn't like it, did you?" her voice is not above a whisper.

"What?" he asks sharply.

"The kiss… you didn't like it and now you're regretting it." She looks up again, her eyes bleary.

It is all the reassurance he needs. Two strides and he is by her side, slinging his arms around her petite form and cradling her tightly.

"No, Lily, of course not. I loved it." He kisses her forehead tenderly, closing his eyes and inhaling her wonderful scent. "I was so scared you might regret the kiss that I avoided talking to you. And I was nervous." He admits, stroking her back. "And then I saw you with Aubrey and I was so scared you'd go out with him before _I_ could ask you."

She snivels. "You want to go out with me?"

"Of course!"

"Even after we screwed up that kiss?"

He laughs, relieved. "All the more."

Lily looks up finally, beaming at him. "We'll just have to practice."

"There are worse things." He grins back, his heart beating fast. Closing the distance between them their lips meet. Soft and warm and gentle. The kiss is different from the first one, sweeter and it means so much more. It feels like a promise.

His hands travel up to her neck, holding her face to him, and meeting her lips with his' again and again.

"You know," she whispers in between kisses, "I think there's hope for us."

He smiles at her gently, running his fingers through her soft hair. "I'm really glad you see it that way."

She laughs and pushes him a little, so that he falls onto his bed.

"Now now," he scolds, grinning mischievously, "no reason to bed me already."

"O ha ha." Sitting beside him, she interlocks their fingers, blushing slightly, giving him a charming smile and his heart melts a little. He lies down, pulling Lily with him and embracing her tightly.

"So…"

"So?"

"So, you wouldn't have come to talk to me after our kiss, would you?" she states with a mocking grin.

"Pft, I would have come. I just wanted to give you some time to assimilate to that awesome kiss you got."

"Oh but it's been months since Micheal last kissed me." She taunts, referring to her ex-boyfriend, who had been a thorn in James' side for the whole 2 months Lily and Micheal had gone out.

James presses his lips together. "You shouldn't have said that," and he starts tickling her mercilessly.

Lily laughs loudly and tries to squirm out of the embrace, to no avail.

"Apologise." He orders, now on top of her, still tickling her sides.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry."

He stops instantly, starting to smother her face with kisses instead. "I'm glad you came to me." He whispers.

"Me too," she smiles, touching his cheek. Their lips meet again and their kiss slowly deepens. Yes, James thinks, there are definitely worse things than kissing Lily Evans.


End file.
